Dark Days

I am starting to feel as if trouble follows me around, hiding behind corners and peering out to see when will be my weakest moment. It has become a constant challenge – a test, if you will – to deal with the day to day elements of life. It is not so much my own pain that is worrisome, but the pain of those for whom I care. A good friend is losing a son; a colleague is battling cancer; a child is questioning her faith for the first time. The choices that I often see presented to those for whom I care seem to lack in positive solutions. Instead, I see choices that boil down to a briar patch versus a field of stone. Neither is a pleasure to walk when barefoot. How can you choose? More pressing for self is the question, “How do I guide/support/encourage those I love?” There are some from which you can detach and view the situation with clarity. To those I am sure that my answers seem cold and distant. I do not mean them to be. For others, it is impossible to remove the emotional element that ties us together. My support is clothed in a reflection of the pain that I see in their faces. I wish that it were not. When I was young, I was told that “God will never give you more than you can handle?” I do not believe this is true. If it were, then people would not lose faith. They would not get so lost in a moment that they commit suicide. Revenge would not be a motive for murder. I believe that we all walk in the light, but are only a few steps away from the dark. We are all only a heartbeat away from a situation where we will need to ask ourselves, “What will I choose?”

Darkness of Friendship

Isn't it odd how even the most positive, bright forces in the world also have their own sweet darkness? Friendship is one of those forces.

Even when you have friends that you believe are loyal, true, honest and very close, beware for there is a darkness within.

Imagine working so hard to create a place where life is better, where people are considered, where goals are set and obtained, and where the lowliest is listened to by the highest and respected. Imagine that you are only allowed so much time in this place before you must hand the leadership over to a successor. You groom this successor and you instill within them the ideals that make this little piece of the world run so smoothly. You teach them how to play the political games of this society so that the benefit will be for the entire group instead of a few. You instill ideals and you gain commitments in regards to promises made that are the basis of this society. You call then friend, confidante, and trusted cohort. Then you step down, with the confidence that this society will continue to grow and flourish because it will remain functioning within this carefully balanced framework.

Imagine now that once you step down, the world changes. The balance is upset. Underhanded methods, lack of disclosure, and carefully planned attacks cause the individuals who exist within it to suspect each other. Trust is crushed; fear is instilled; and the world does not run so smoothly. You see that it is because those you have groomed are breaking the promises, refusing to use the politcal game for their benefit, and are, instead, using guerilla tactics to force situations as they see fit. The original goals are lost and the society is in turbulence along with them.

You raise your hand; sound the alarm; send up a flare; voice your concern - but are told, in no uncertain tones, that you are not needed, nor wanted, nor do you have the power, to input your words anymore. What happened to the lowliest being listened to and respected by the highest? The most frightening part is that you realize that you no longer have any control over the society and that you simply must live with the decisions - right or wrong.

You sit back...and watch as the society falls into decay and chaos reigns. The structures you put into place begin to crumble. The strength that you instilled begins to fail. You can only watch as the dreams that became reality are destroyed. Darkness reigns... Destroy or be destroyed?

Darkness of Death

Death is a subject that few discuss willingly. It is an uneasy topic at best. However, death is inevitable from the moment we take our first breaths and none of us are guaranteed any specific time frame for life. Death is one of the darker subjects of which man avoids. And yet there is something within that darkness that also intrigues.

Death is two entirely different events for the two distinct entities of human existence. For the body, death brings about the ceasing of vital function. The body shuts down and will never function again, but rather return to the elements from which it was created. For the vital essence of man – the soul, spirit, or whatever term you choose – death is not an ending, but yet a new beginning. It is so much a beginning that none truly know what to expect.

I, for one, believe that a force of such a nature, that not only animates, but also creates, evolves, develops and learns, cannot possibly be extinguished at the death of the body. It must be released and continue on into what is, for us, unknown. I cannot imagine it any other way. Whether that force has a specific destination (heaven or hell?) or whether it returns to this earth in another vessel, there is no doubt in my mind that a force of that strength cannot be destroyed merely by the act of dying within the human body.

Each of us draws our uniqueness, our individuality, from the facets of our life force, our spirit. It is what causes us to be who we are, to act, to react, to think critically, to view analytically, and to make decisions based upon our interpretation of the world and its happenings. We are personified by the force of life and enhanced by the unknown destination of that force at the moment of death. It we could only remember that a force as complex as our spirit, our being, contains strength that must surely exist beyond death, then perhaps the darkness of death will cease to inspire fear and dread.

Dark Goddess: Lillith

When I am angry, depressed, or out-of-sorts, I find that it is beneficial to spend time in reflection on the dark goddesses. I look at them as a whole - their strengths and their weaknesses - and decide if there are some of their characteristics that I indeed should embrace. On of my favorites is Lillith.

Lillith was the original mate of Adam. Lillith, however, refused to be subservient. She saw herself as an equal - made from the same earth as Adam, to stand beside Adam, with equal rights and powers. She did not take fondly to the idea that she was to be submissive in any area of life - including sex. She was cast from the Garden of Eden, some say to become a demon, and was replaced by the subservient Eve, made from the rib of Adam.

Some do say that Lillith is a demon; some that she was the first feminist; some that she was the first lesbian. Speculation is simply that. However, what I see in Lillith is strength and determination. She knew that she could stand on her own two feet, use her own well-developed mind, trust her own body, and demand her own place in the world. Lillith was no doormat!

Some describe Lillith with wild hair, red eyes, and gnashing teeth. The Lillith I envision stands tall and proud, back straight, head held high. Her dark hair flows down her back and her step is firm and self-assured. She knows her place and she will not allow any to take it from her.

This is the Lillith that even today's woman needs as a role model - a woman that can claim her place in this world without sacrificing self!

Dark vs. Light

How often have you heard someone say that we can only appreciate the light if we have spend some time in the darkness?

Perhaps that is true - More likely, in my opinion, is that there are lessons to be learned from both the light and dark of life. If we spend time in only one, then we learn only half the lessons. To be whole, we must discover, embrace, and accept all of ourself - both light and dark. The only way to do this is to walk in both worlds.

For this reason, I have come to embrace the night and all the "dark" elements in life. Indeed, at times they bring a blessed peace found no where else. That is why I dedicate this blog to the dark, the night, and all dark entities and realms.